Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

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A groundbreaking guide to raising responsible, capable, happy kids


Based on the latest research on brain development and extensive clinical experience with parents, Dr. Laura Markham's approach is as simple as it is effective. Her message: Fostering emotional connection with your child creates real and lasting change. When you have that vital connection, you don't need to threaten, nag, plead, bribe--or even punish.


This remarkable guide will help parents better understand their own emotions--and get them in check--so they can parent with healthy limits, empathy, and clear communication to raise a self-disciplined child. Step-by-step examples give solutions and kid-tested phrasing for parents of toddlers right through the elementary years.


If you're tired of power struggles, tantrums, and searching for the right "consequence," look no further. You're about to discover the practical tools you need to transform your parenting in a positive, proven way.

"If you're a parent who has been trying hard with your child, with mixed results, read this book. Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids can change your parenting life. Dr. Laura Markham shares an invaluable set of insights that are new to the world of parenting. She will show you how to deliver your love and guidance in a truly nurturing way, and how to avoid parental burn-out in the process."
--Patty Wipfler, Founder of


"The Aha! moment in Dr. Laura Markham's Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids is that attachment isn't just for babies. Attachment provides the foundation for the growing child to learn emotional intelligence, empathy, and responsibility while he masters his environment. Dr. Laura teaches by example, holding parents with compassion as she gives them priceless, easy to use strategies to create a secure, healthy attachment with their child."
--Lysa Parker & Barbara Nicholson, Founders of Attachment Parenting International, and authors of Attached at the Heart


"Dr. Laura shows parents how their empathy can wire their child's brain for emotional regulation and happiness -- and a brighter future for humanity. Her understanding and knowledge of the many challenges of raising loving, compassionate children gives parents powerful tools to be the best that they can be. A simple, yet revolutionary, message of love."
--Nancy Samalin, M.S, author of Loving Without Spoiling


Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids has two important ideas, and one revolutionary idea. Dr. Laura Markham's guidance on fostering connection and coaching instead of controlling are the important ideas, and they can make a huge difference in your life as a parent. Her explanation of why parents need to regulate ourselves first--before we can help regulate our children--is the revolutionary idea. Read it and you'll see why she calls her work 'Aha! Parenting.'"

--Lawrence J. Cohen, PhD, author of Playful Parenting

Table of Contents:
Foreword / Jack Canfield -- Introduction: Secrets of Peaceful Parents -- Part 1. Regulating Yourself -- 1. Peaceful Parents Raise Happy Kids -- Your Number One Responsibility as a Parent -- Breaking the Cycle: Healing Your Own Wounds -- How to Manage Your Anger -- How to Stop Yelling at Your Child -- When Your Child Melts Down: How to Keep Your Cool -- You Can Nurture Yourself While Raising Your Child -- Ten Rules to Raise Terrific Kids -- Part 2. Fostering Connection -- 2. The Essential Ingredient for Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids -- Why Connection Is the Secret to Happy Parenting -- Connection as Your Child Grows -- Babies (0-13 Months): Wiring the Brain -- Toddlers (13-36 Months): Building Secure Attachment -- Preschoolers (3-5 Years): Developing Independence -- Elementary Schoolers (6-9 Years): Foundation for the Teen Years -- Connection Basics -- How to Connect More Deeply with Your Child -- How Do You Know When Your Relationship with Your Child Needs Work? -- Connecting with a Difficult Child -- Action Guides -- Your Child's Emotional Bank Account -- What's So Special About Special Time? -- Daily Habits to Strengthen and Sweeten Your Relationship with Your Child -- Use Connection to Get Your Child Out the Door In the Morning -- Use Connection to make Bedtime Easier -- Ten Ways to Become a Brilliant Listener -- But How Do I Get My Child to Listen to Me?! -- When Your Child Just Shuts Down -- When You and Your Child Are Stuck in Negativity -- Part 3. Coaching, not Controlling -- 3. Raising a Child Who Can Manage Himself: Emotion Coaching -- Why Emotion-Coach? -- Emotional Intelligence as Your Child Grows -- Babies (0-13 Months): A Bedrock of Trust -- Toddlers (13-36 Months): Unconditional Love -- Preschoolers (3-5 Years): Empathy -- Elementary Schoolers (6-9 Years): Emotional Self-Awareness -- Emotion Coaching Basics -- How Children Develop Emotional Intelligence -- Empathy, the Foundation of EQ -- Your Child's Emotional Backpack -- Understanding Anger -- Meeting Your Child's Deepest Needs -- EQ Coaching with a Difficult Child -- Action Guides -- Seven Steps to Nurture Emotional Intelligence in Your Child -- Emotion-Coaching Your Child Through a Meltdown -- When Your Child Acts Out but Can't Cry: Building Safety -- Playing with Your Child: Games for Emotional Intelligence -- Additional Resources: Scripts for Sibling Conflicts -- 4. Raising a Child Who Wants to Behave: Dare Not to Discipline -- The Dirty Little Secret About Discipline and Punishment -- Guidance as Your Child Grows -- Babies (0-13 Months): Empathic Redirection -- Toddlers (13-36 Months): Sidestepping Power Struggles -- Preschoolers (3-5 Years): Learning Self-Management -- Elementary Schoolers (6-9 Years): Developing Positive Habits -- Setting Limits with Empathy: The Basics -- The Sweet Spot Between Strict and Permissive -- Should You Spank Your Child? -- Is Yelling the New Spanking? -- Transform Your Time-Outs to Time-Ins -- The Truth About Consequences -- Does Positive Parenting Work with a Difficult Child? -- Action Guides -- How to Set Empathic Limits -- How to Help Kids Who Test the Limits -- Wean Yourself Off Consequences: Twelve Terrific Alternatives -- How to Intervene in the Heat of the Moment -- Empowering Kids to Make Amends with the Three Rs: Reflection, Repair, and Responsibility -- Preventive Maintenance -- What If Your Child Crosses the Line? -- Additional Resources: Scripts -- 5. Raising a Child Who Achieves with Joy and Self-Esteem: Mastery Coaching -- What Is Mastery Coaching? -- Building Mastery as Your Child Grows -- Babies (0-13 Months): The Budding Scientist -- Toddlers (13-36 Months): Do It Myself: Developing Response-Ability -- Preschoolers (3-5 Years): Self-Mastery Through Problem Solving -- Elementary Schoolers (6-9 Years): Exploring Passions -- Mastery Basics -- Encouraging Mastery -- How Kids Develop Resilence -- Giving Constructive Feedback -- How to Avoid Helicopter Parenting -- What If You Have a Child Who Doesn't Develop Mastery Naturally? -- Action Guides -- Create a No-Blame Household -- Developing Responsibility -- Developing Good Judgment -- Homework Without Tears -- Trust Your Child-and Mother Nature -- Afterword -- When to Seek Professional Help -- The Future Is in Your Hands -- Acknowledgments -- Further Reading -- Notes -- Index.


Pub Date: November 28, 2012

0.78" H x 8.21" L x 5.54" W 

274 pages